The Return of the Beanie
by iheartGibbs
Summary: A short little Crack!Fic written for Smackalicious as a hangman prize on NFA.  McGeeZivaBeanie


The Return of the Beanie

for Smackalicious – hangman prize

Pairing: McGee/Ziva/Beanie

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Crack!Fic

Spoilers: Dead Man Walking

---

McGee sighed in defeat and slumped down further in his chair. He knew the rest of the team had noticed his change in behavior, and hoped they would attribute it to colder, shorter days and not suspect the real reason for his latest battle with depression. She was wearing it again. The hideous orange beanie had returned, and its return marked the end of all of Tim's hopes that Ziva's recent flirtatious attitude toward him meant something more.

Ziva David had fallen for a dying man and had come to humanize the one possession of his that was now hers: the orange beanie. The horridly bright covering that smelled of sweat and messed up her beautiful hair; McGee had found himself coming to resent it more and more. How could she do that to herself? But she had put the hat away months ago. Why would she wear it again? McGee knew that, by wearing the odious hat, Ziva was in fact declaring her devotion to the man with whom she had developed such an instant connection. He also knew that, while she found him attractive, he hadn't shared that same connection with her. He didn't stand a chance.

"Gear up! Ziva, gas the truck. DiNozzo, with me."

Gibbs' order echoed through the strangely silent squad room and everyone hurried to comply. Grabbing her bag, Ziva noticed McGee eyeing her strangely. Surely she wasn't the reason for his funk today. She began retracing her conversation with him that morning and could find nothing to which he might object. She had been as friendly to him as she always was, possibly even more so. She had begun flirting with him over the past few months, partly to see his reaction and partly for her own pleasure. Had she given him some reason to question her motives?

"Ziva, snap out of it," Gibbs barked.

"Sorry," she mumbled as they pressed into the elevator.

Ziva's eyes narrowed when McGee acted as if he didn't want to ride in the truck with her. She was an excellent driver, so it couldn't possibly have anything to do with that. She surmised that McGee was protesting too much because he was angry with her. She hadn't done anything wrong! Slamming the door behind her, she started the truck and revved the engine, wordlessly communicating to her coworker that she would leave without him if he didn't get inside.

---

After gassing the truck, the two drove toward the crime scene. The silence in the vehicle was broken only by the sound of the heater pushing out heat. McGee glanced at Ziva in frustration for about the twentieth time. He had already removed his jacket and gloves, and was now beginning to sweat. He surreptitiously reached for the dial to turn down the heat, when she smacked his hand away. Again.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he finally asked.

"Just trying to make you talk, McGee," she admitted.

"So this is an interrogation?"

She gave him a sly look. "If I were interrogating you, you would not have to ask me what was happening."

"True," he conceded. "Can I turn down the heat?"

"Of course," Ziva said, glad he had finally given in. She was also about to roast. She wiggled out of her coat and laid it between them, placing her hat and gloves on top of it.

The flash of orange captured McGee's attention and reminded him why he had been sulking.

"Aha!" Ziva shouted. "There is that look again. What are you thinking, McGee?" she asked.

"Nothing," he muttered, sparing the abomination a final glance.

"This is about my beanie," Ziva said. "Of course."

"I'm sorry, Ziva, but it's hideous. And it smells. Seriously. Like old sweat."

"You are jealous of a dead man," she continued as if shocked.

"No, I'm not," he insisted. "I just hate that hat! It's so ugly. It does nothing for your complexion."

Catching her look, he continued with an eye roll, "No, I'm not gay."

"I know that," she said softly. "I no longer wear it because of Roy, McGee. I wore it because it's cold outside and I haven't had time to buy a new one."

"Oh," he answered quietly, blushing at his own inappropriate behavior. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have had the right to be upset even if you were wearing it because of him."

"That is also true," she agreed with him.

---

Ziva increased her speed, wanting to arrive as soon as possible and get away from McGee. Once she realized how jealous he was of the idea of Roy, she began to think of the way she had been flirting with him for months. It was truly not fair of her unless she was actually interested. And that was exactly her problem, trying to decide exactly what she wanted from McGee. But she knew she couldn't continue to tease and play and flirt with him, either. That would just be cruel.

McGee gripped the handle on the door and held on for dear life. His stomach was churning in protest of the speed at which Ziva was taking each curve. It didn't help ease him that she was clearly upset with him now. He hadn't intended to mention the stupid hat. It just came out. It was obvious to him now that she was lying when she said she was no longer wearing it for Roy. She was clearly unsettled, and he knew his speech about Roy and the beanie was responsible. He determined then and there to clear his thoughts of anything related to Ziva: her long, silky hair, the way she messed up sayings, her cute accent, her playful mannerisms, her… McGee swallowed hard. He had it bad, and it was not good.

McGee's discomfort did nothing but make Ziva more ill at ease. She never meant to lead him on. He was a super guy; attractive, intelligent and funny. He wasn't really her type, but she never really had a type so that argument would go nowhere. The fact remained that she did want McGee, and that scared her more than a little bit.

Ziva pressed the accelerator even closer to the floor of the truck. This was taking forever.

McGee felt it before it happened, but had no time to respond. "Ziv…" he managed, before his lunch decided to make a reappearance in the least attractive of ways.

"McGee!" she shouted, reaching for the first thing she could find to keep him from hurling chunks into the floorboard.

McGee's eyes widened as he realized she had handed him her precious beanie. Not wanting to force the sacrifice but no longer having a choice, he wretched violently into it.

Ziva wanted to turn away, but couldn't take her eyes of the situation at hand. She couldn't believe she had been willing to sacrifice her beloved for him. She gasped as realization hit her. She was in love with McGee!

"I'm so sorry," he said, after he was finished.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile. "I'm glad my beanie could be there for you."

"I appreciate… I never… I can't believe… Thanks," he finally managed to get out.

"It was worth it. The beanie may have been ugly, but it is only because of it that I now know what I did not when we left today."

Catching his confused expression, she continued, "I love you, McGee."

"I love you, too, Ziva!" he exclaimed. "I would kiss you, but… well, you know," he glanced down toward his feet.

"I will take a rain man," she said with a grimace. "Rain chick?" she corrected.

"Rain check," he answered. "And you're on."


End file.
